Friday, August 16, 2013

How to Yield to Pedestrians

The pedestrian always has the right of way. Allow me to repeat that. The pedestrian always has the right of way.

I know I used some big words in there (well, one big word, twice), so allow me to help you out. The pedestrian is the person walking. Sometimes, the pedestrian is also the person in this scenario that is freezing, getting rained on, or is hot and miserable. The pedestrian is not the person sitting comfortably in in his climate-controlled big "I have a tiny penis" truck, honking and swearing at the person that had the nerve to use sidewalks for their intended purpose. That person is the asshole.

Now, when I say "always" has the right of way, I actually mean that. If I walk in front of your car when you have a green light, it doesn't matter. I still have the right of way. I get to go. You can't hit me. You have to stop. Now, I'm not an asshole, so I don't do that. However, when I am walking in a crosswalk, with a green walk signal, I still have the right of way, you jackass! You're not allowed to drive around me. You're not allowed to try to hit me. And you're not allowed to honk at me as if I'm too stupid to see the giant truck breaking all traffic laws in an effort to try to bully me out of the way. The person turning left is required to yield both to incoming traffic and to pedestrians. Allow me to review all of the reasons you are wrong in this scenario:

  1. I am a pedestrian.
  2. You are not a pedestrian.
  3. I have a green signal, allowing me to walk.
  4. I am in a crosswalk.
  5. You are turning left.
  6. All of those things mean that you do not have the right of way.
So, what makes you think it's OK to honk and scream? Is it the fact that you're an asshole? Or did you want a lecture on traffic laws delivered by a small blonde woman at the top of her lungs in the middle of a busy intersection? Because then, you're just holding up traffic, asshole.

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